what I did productive over break

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Sometimes God gives us lemons

I have been thinking lately about how God tests us.  Maybe you can relate to this if you’ve grown up in the church like mme.  I know that God wants the best  for me.  He died for me, and He cares for me a lot.  So I sort of assume that when God loves me, He’ll take care of me by keeping me healthy, happy, and everything will go well.  That the closer I get to Him, and more I trust and please Him, the easier things will get for me.  Wrong. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not forgetting about the verse if taking up my cross daily.  Being a Christian and being sacrificial are not easy.  And they’re uncomfortable.  And I realize that we’re being attacked by an enemy.  But I sort of thought my heart was off limits.  That God would test in me in a bunch of ways, but my heart was a non-negotiable.  Proverbs 4:23 tells us to guard our hearts, for it is the wellspring of life.  However, then I read Proverbs 17:3 that says “The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the LORD tests the heart.”  So God tests our heart.

February has been one of the hardest months of my life.  As I went through it, and now as I look back, it seems like I was being tested in lots of ways.  There was just a lot of hard news, issues, questions, and tasks I had to go through.  Some of them were from the enemy, and some of them were from the Lord.  But as I look back, I have to question myself, “If these tests were from the Lord, they would not be more than I could handle (with His help too).” 

Good news: I made it through alive.  God is on my side.  I’m not leaving on His team.

1 thes 1:3

work produced by faith

labor prompted by love

endurance inspired by hope

I can’t wait for summer.

why run?

Our pastor (Aaron) brought us a message, asking why we’re so prone to leave/escape/run away.  The message hit at least me.

Community is hard.  And I think we’re excited when we first get in a new environment, with new challenges and people.  Then our hands get dirty.  Then things get tough.  We earn responsibilities.  We agree to do things.  And it’s easier sometimes to start over and go somewhere else.  Where people don’t know who you are, and don’t expect anything from you.  For the most part, I guess we don’t have a lot of obligation or responsibility when we go somewhere else.

Aaron shared a quote that was challenging.  If we’re always waiting for something to be over/move on, we’ll grow old fast.  He said that his dad told him to never let anyone convince him that high school is the best years of his life.  Or that college is the best years of his life.  His dad said that he enjoyed every place and year that God has brought him to.  Yeah, things get tough, but enjoy the process.  It’s hard for me to enjoy some of the process right now.  Anyone else?

Part of me cannot wait to be done with school!  Part of me will certainly miss college, I’m sure.  There are defenitely opportunities in my life that I really like right now.  Especially freedom in my schedule.  I get to set my own schedule, and I like that.  There aren’t a ton of things that I have to do.

I hope to enjoy God’s daily portion and purpose for me this semester.

everbody loves a little piano

What’s your favorite song that is played on the piano?  Some coldplay song, a classical song, vanessa carlton, sara groves…?  I want to know.

back to the basics

So we finally had our YL team meeting (the first since being back).  I had a lot that I wanted to share with my team, so I was looking forward to that (but not to talking about starting club).  Thankfully, my team responded with honesty and care.  It is so great to be able to share my sincere frustrations and cares, and have an honest, thoughtful response.  I’m excited about the closeness of our team, and the opportunity to enjoy this small part of my family this semester.    I really feel like whenever our team is honest, we are like-minded with the important stuff.  God must  be working.  Because it’s not us.  At least He’s breathing life into us.  I pray that it’s being poured out for others.  God is good.

back

I don’t know if I’ve ever not looked forward to school more than right now.  My schedule is ok.  I would just rather be doing other things.  I think we feel most satisfied when we’re doing what we feel we were created for… whether that’s singing in worship, molding with out hands, figuring out equations, or whatever floats your boat.  And that’s sorta my problem.  I don’t have a vision for my future (as far as specifics).  But I’m at a struggle.  At some points, I really feel like I’m in the right place.  Earlier today I had an honest conversation with someone in my car.  They shared some really deep stuff and so did I.  I felt like I was in the right place.  It is a privelage for me to be here.  But then I looked at my school schedule.  Lame.  If it weren’t for God, I would certainly be lost.  I look forward to where He’ll lead me this semister.  Your turn: what’s on your plate for this semister?

with these hands

mold, turn, spin, reshape, create, restart, touch, raise, smoothen, slide, hold, grab, wrestle, pick, pry, pull, poke, pinch, write, paint, calm, rub, brush, shake, dig, shape, uncover, peel, play, unchain, unlock, open

in my head: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1ne3rc3iqc&feature=related

a romanian thought

I’ve recently been reading through Romans.  One day that I was preparing to give a talk about the Gospel.  I read Romans 9.  I was chewing over what I wanted to say, wanting it to make sense, be clear, accurate, out of love, and understandable.  Not that I was super stressed out about it, but I felt a sense of responsibility.

Romans 9:14-21

What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! For he says to Moses,
   ”I will have mercy on whom I have mercy,
      and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.”

It does not, therefore, depend on man’s desire or effort, but on God’s mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh: “I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.”Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.

One of you will say to me: “Then why does God still blame us? For who resists his will?” But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’ “Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?

God’s going to change hearts that He wants to change.  Even if I want it to be up to me, it’s not.  Good thing, cuz I don’t.  And I’ve tried, and it doesn’t work.  I hope that I can just be used in the way I am created for, and not try to be something or someone I’m not.