yeah, it’s summer

I somehow just slid into summer.  It’s like when you’re young and you go sled riding (or down a waterslide), and for the first ten seconds of your ride you keep your eyes closed because you’re so excited and scared and stuff.  I guess that’s sorta what summer’s been for me.  Peru came and went.  I pray not to forget about my experiences there.  Back to my 9 to 5.  I feel busier this summer than during the school year.  I somehow never realize that it’s going to be like that.  I wonder if this is what the real world will be like.  I wonder what I’ll have (make) time for.  I think I’ve concluded that whatever I do from 9 to 5 needs to have some real value.  Painting bathrooms and removing rocks from a lawn seem way less important and significant from digging a ditch for a sidewalk or putting up a wall at an orphanage.  I’m not sure if I’ll work in an office or in this country or what after college, but I look forward to it.  Part of me wants to see what God has for me after college right now and to fast-forward there, but I’m sure I’m not ready.  I think I need to seek out and search for what God has for me.  I’m learning that it’s an active process.  Waiting on the Lord can be an active process.  I think it really means trusting the Lord with what He’s telling you and giving you and what He’s not.  Some of my thoughts for now…

if…

If ________ would just end, I could relax

if _________ wasn’t around, I would never be annoyed

if ________ weren’t so hard, life would be easy

if ________ would just stop _________, our relationship would be good again,

if I just had __________ i would feel ___________

if I worked for ____________________ i would love  it

if I could wear my ____________ shirt every day, I would

if I could _____________ once a week, I would

if I could only text one more person for the rest of my life, it would be _____________,

if I weren’t reading this, I would be ________

if I could wake up in any place in the world tomorrow, it would be ____________

if I could talk to animals, I would first talk to ____________

if I could live any of the dreams I’ve had while I was sleeping I would live the one where ____________

if I could fast forward through one day in my future it would be ____________

if I could tell everyone in the world to download one song, it would be ____________

if I were president, ____________

if someone handed me $850 in cash and told me I had to spend it in 10 hours, I would spend it on __________

if I could tell Jordan one thing about myself that he doesn’t already know, it would be ____________________

if I could sleep until any time tomorrow, it would be ____________

if I had to get my hands dirty tomorrow, I would get them dirty by __________

if you answer these questions, you know you’ll have fun and so will I.

right now

I haven’t written in a while, so I’m going to just write some of my thoughts.

I’m not sure I remember the days when I was bored.  When I had more time than responsibilities.  It seems that as I’m getting older, the proportion of responsibilities/”should do’s” is starting to outnumber the free time I have.  I was thinking: what if I decided in my career that I would make sure that I had time every day to slow down.  That even though I bustle my bum while I’m working, I would recognize and feed the need for relaxation and refreshment.  I think about other countries where they run slower than us.  So what if they don’t get as much done in the day.  Maybe they enjoy it more?  So what if they take a nap every afternoon.  Maybe they enjoy the rest of the day more. 

I’m a worrier–which leads to stress, tiredness, and discontent.  And I tell myself (the truth I think) that worrying is a trust problem.  That if I really trusted God, what is there to worry about?  Much easier said than done for me my friends.

Thank God for springtime.  Thank God for my family (at home and here at PSU).  I hope to enjoy, not just endure the rest of this semester.  I need God’s strength to get me through.  God is giving me a picture of redemption, and it’s refreshing.

rk

who I am hates who I’ve been–

I’m sorry for the person I became.

I’m sorry that it took so long for me to change.

I’m ready to be sure I’ll never become that way again.

video/audio: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Jd9dfn0Fgc

lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/relientk/whoiamhateswhoivebeen.html

what I did productive over break

http://jordanschords.comuv.com/

*this website is brought to you by jordan egli and justin kerekes

Sometimes God gives us lemons

I have been thinking lately about how God tests us.  Maybe you can relate to this if you’ve grown up in the church like mme.  I know that God wants the best  for me.  He died for me, and He cares for me a lot.  So I sort of assume that when God loves me, He’ll take care of me by keeping me healthy, happy, and everything will go well.  That the closer I get to Him, and more I trust and please Him, the easier things will get for me.  Wrong. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not forgetting about the verse if taking up my cross daily.  Being a Christian and being sacrificial are not easy.  And they’re uncomfortable.  And I realize that we’re being attacked by an enemy.  But I sort of thought my heart was off limits.  That God would test in me in a bunch of ways, but my heart was a non-negotiable.  Proverbs 4:23 tells us to guard our hearts, for it is the wellspring of life.  However, then I read Proverbs 17:3 that says “The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the LORD tests the heart.”  So God tests our heart.

February has been one of the hardest months of my life.  As I went through it, and now as I look back, it seems like I was being tested in lots of ways.  There was just a lot of hard news, issues, questions, and tasks I had to go through.  Some of them were from the enemy, and some of them were from the Lord.  But as I look back, I have to question myself, “If these tests were from the Lord, they would not be more than I could handle (with His help too).” 

Good news: I made it through alive.  God is on my side.  I’m not leaving on His team.

1 thes 1:3

work produced by faith

labor prompted by love

endurance inspired by hope

I can’t wait for summer.

why run?

Our pastor (Aaron) brought us a message, asking why we’re so prone to leave/escape/run away.  The message hit at least me.

Community is hard.  And I think we’re excited when we first get in a new environment, with new challenges and people.  Then our hands get dirty.  Then things get tough.  We earn responsibilities.  We agree to do things.  And it’s easier sometimes to start over and go somewhere else.  Where people don’t know who you are, and don’t expect anything from you.  For the most part, I guess we don’t have a lot of obligation or responsibility when we go somewhere else.

Aaron shared a quote that was challenging.  If we’re always waiting for something to be over/move on, we’ll grow old fast.  He said that his dad told him to never let anyone convince him that high school is the best years of his life.  Or that college is the best years of his life.  His dad said that he enjoyed every place and year that God has brought him to.  Yeah, things get tough, but enjoy the process.  It’s hard for me to enjoy some of the process right now.  Anyone else?

Part of me cannot wait to be done with school!  Part of me will certainly miss college, I’m sure.  There are defenitely opportunities in my life that I really like right now.  Especially freedom in my schedule.  I get to set my own schedule, and I like that.  There aren’t a ton of things that I have to do.

I hope to enjoy God’s daily portion and purpose for me this semester.

everbody loves a little piano

What’s your favorite song that is played on the piano?  Some coldplay song, a classical song, vanessa carlton, sara groves…?  I want to know.